I've Always Known
by SilverPegasus
Summary: Emma's thoughts about her feelings. A Sequel to I've just realized


Thanks to those who reviewed and those who are going to *hint*  
Oh I forgot to say That I don't own Mutant X, tell me one die hard MX fan  
that doesn't know that by now.  
Okay I've decided to Do this in Emma's Perspective, it's only fair on Poor Emma.  
She's my favourite female character and this is the first time I've written about  
her. HEH, it's always been Brennan point of view that I write in.   
Okay I'm Going to use Names in this one since you already know who I'm talking  
about anyway, So this is Part two to Just Realized. Or actually it Could be   
a sequel., they're both could even be stand alones. Enjoy!  
  
I've Known All along  
--------------------  
  
I see Brennan with Shalimar and it hurts, I love him more then anyone will ever know.  
It hurts everytime he passes up a chance to be with, so he can be with her.  
He seems to be ignorant to my feelings, it seems like he doesn't care less about me.  
I know that's not true, he does care for me, just not the way he cares for Shalimar.  
  
  
I love him. I don't think there was a time since we met that I haven't loved him.  
He's the only one I can trust, or thought I could trust,   
I'm just the idiot for loving someone who loves someone else, even though he knows  
how I feel for him, I'm a idiot for letting Brennan hurt me like this, and I guess I'm  
always going to be a idiot when he's concerned.   
  
I sometimes compare myself to Shalimar, wondering what She has that Brennan doesn't  
see in me, I see alot of things, but I don't know if He see's all that in her.  
I wish for the time when everything was the way it was supposed to be, when Brennan  
would take me out places, just him and me.  
  
That's all changed now, he's got Shalimar, everything I want him to do with me, he's doing  
with her, and My heart breaks, he has no idea what that does to me emotionally.  
He has a fair idea of it I'm sure, but why does it feel like he doesn't care.  
  
I told him I loved him a few weeks back, and back then he started dating Shalimar,   
I didn't know that, I really didn't, Had I known I probably wouldn't have told him   
I loved him, but I can't take back what I said no matter how much I wish I could.  
  
Brennan's reply cut deeper into my soul, I've never known words to do that before,  
Well from my own Experience I mean, I guess there's a first for everything.   
He took my hands into his and said he loved me, My face lit up like a Christmas tree,  
But My smile faded and was replaced by one of sorrow, soon tears followed.   
He said he didn't love me like he did Shalimar and he loved me because I was his   
best friend.  
  
  
He's hurt me so many times And every time I've forgiven him for it beacause you   
do that when you love someone, Don't get me wrong, I'll forgive Brennan for this,   
but it's going to take some time. And I don't know how much Time will pass before  
I forgive him, but I promise I will forgive him as long as I love him.  
  
I walked down the stairs, trying to wipe my face clear of the tears I shed while I  
was in my room crying over the pain that Brennan has made me endure. I saw Brennan   
there and I wanted so much to ignore him but I couldn't, I just wanted to throw myself  
into his embrace, he saw my tears, I Tried to hide them but I know he saw them.  
  
Brennan's emotions were so unclear, not even I could read them, I wasn't even trying to  
read him, even though I was a psionic, I just didn't rely on my abilities to read people  
I was a good judge of character before I knew I had my ability.   
  
He looked just as heartbroken as I did, and I briefly wondered why, before I remembered  
I came down to get some air, to clear my head.  
I came to a conclusion that we haven't seen each other for awhile, we hadn't talked  
much, not the way we did before he hurt me with his words.   
  
I shook my head and decided to polite with him anyway, "I'm going out, you want to come  
with me?" I asked hoping he'd say no, I didn't want him coming with me, I really had   
nothing to say to him other then that, my head was so confused and my feelings were so   
muddled and I needed some more time on my own, honestly I've had more time to myself  
then anything else. He shook his head, and I sighed in relief, a sigh that he didn't hear.  
  
"Oh well maybe another time" I replied, it sounded like I didn't mean what I said but  
I did, I really wanted to get back what we had lost. I walked away from him and I knew  
he was watching me leave, and I wondered why he prolonged my agony.  
  
My Shoulders slump in defeat, I really feel like giving up, I don't have a chance now,  
He has Shalimar, why would he want me, I really wished that he would look at me like he   
used to,the look that made me feel I was the only girl in his life where love was concerned.  
  
I don't know where I'm heading, I usually let my feet guide me while my thoughts take  
control of my mind.I don't want to lose him, but As I heard you can't lose what You never  
had and that's true no matter how sad it sounds.  
  
I got back to the sanctuary some time later, Shalimar and Brennan weren't together,   
and I wondered why, I never heard them fight, so I really wondered what was going on.  
Jesse informed me what was going on, that Shalimar and Brennan broke up, due to some  
differences.  
  
It really had my stumped but my mind didn't dwell on that for long.  
Jesse was being like Adam, Adam was our father figure. and Jesse was acting like a big  
brother that I've never had. Well he told me How much Brennan loved me, even though he  
was being a idiot when he said he didn't, In a way that gave me some hope that things  
could be back the way they were before.   
  
Maybe Brennan and I could be the way I've always dreamt,   
but that seemed along way of yet.  
  
The End  
  
Sorry it sounded stupid. I typed this one in about half a hour since I didn't   
want to lose what idea(S) I Had in my head. I hope you enjoyed.   
Maybe I'll write A Sequel to this one, and where they hook up.  
I guess I'd have to do more planning on that one heh!  
Anyway Review and thanks. 


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